The spat106 short longform #8

How to remove a person from power

What are your options when you see someone with an ounce of responsibility who you honestly think shouldn’t be in that particular position? Without removing them forcibly like a passenger on an overbooked United Airlines flight here are some ways you can see the someone getting the boot from power.

– Wait until they make a comment that infuriates some sector of the community and you say to them you’re better than this, they reply, “No I’m not.” and then you have to clarify that someone who is in a position of power needs more self-belief than they are demonstrating. They go, “Oh!” and you say, “Stop self-owning yourself.” Then they say, “You’re being mean, you should be better than this.” and you say, “ No I’m not.” so it ends up being a circular argument where you don’t know who is trying to remove who from power and then somebody else from out of nowhere gets power as you two are distracted arguing with yourselves. You succeed in your aim to remove someone from power but also fail in retaining the power you forgot you already had.

– Start playing I got the power by Snap, it’s a message to that other person that it’s not them but you who holds the card to speak. This only works if they don’t think that you are only playing it because you are either a massive fan of Snap or a loyal follower of multiple worlds darts champion Phil The Power Taylor. That is his entrance theme for those people who didn’t know. NZ’s darts champion is Filo “Te Paua” Taylor, I don’t know what his entrance theme is and I don’t know if he’s related to Black Cap Ross Taylor.

– Outlive that powerful person through healthy living,exercise and also living in a zorb, it’s hard to get stabbed in a zorb unless they dive into the entrance of the zorb with you. If that happens then they find it hard to swing the knife as it’s a tight fit in there.

– If you see that person in power is quite stupid, then you just have to wait until they shoot themselves in the foot. But that means that you will have to be patient enough for them to get a gun. However some of you may be thinking that it isn’t meant to be taken literally. Just wait until they put a bullet near their ankle, how good will be they be then. They won’t be, they are not powerful any more, shoot themselves in the foot is a literal statement.

– Offer them a position more powerful than the one they have, they accept it but turns out there was no position at all, the ultimate prank.

– Get a whole bunch of your mates and then start walking down the street singing the best protest song, Public Enemy’s Fight the Power. Make it look like Spike Lee is actually directing you as you do the protest. This will have the person who is being targeted with the song shaking in their boots. Also make sure that one of your mates is as good a hype man as Flava Flav is. As an aside a great parody song would be Fight Jack Bauer but that wouldn’t be much of a song because Jack Bauer would defeat all comers.

– If someone is in a position of writing a newsletter and you don’t like it you contact them and say what the hell are you writing about, I have no idea what is the purpose of all this is.