The spat106 short longform #5

How 90s Britpop can be used practically in everyday life

Often idiots when you were at school wondered how algebra helps in later in life, yes we know you weren’t going to be a rocket scientist you utter clown but people of all creeds, ages, genders and eye colours are able to use Britpop to help them throughout life.
This is the 90s definition of word Britpop, which meant a wave of bands perform a certain style of music in Britain and not Britain popping off from the European Union, which is what Britpop means today.

Here are some of the ways that Britpop can enrich your life.

A great thing to do after someone tries to be smart and gives a long-winded statement with smart sounding words is to interrupt them by singing the chorus of the song Parklife. If you understand the reference to this Blur song, great, otherwise the rest of the newsletter will be an ordeal to read, if it is not already.

If you want to ever get out yourself from a conversation just say,”Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” This will work even if you have no acoustic guitar on you, you just just need to make sure you’re sitting behind a drum set of some sort at the time. I mean you can’t do Wonderwall acapella, you have to have some musical accompaniment and percussion is the bare minimum. If you don’t do that one of the Gallagher brothers will bash you.

Also to end a conversation that you want to get out of, start singing the chorus of Kula Shaker’s songs Tattva and Govinda. The person is trying to converse with you in English and you are just speaking Sanskrit. They’ll then go why the hell is this guy speaking Indian (they can’t differentiate between Indian dialects, let alone a largely ancient version). As far as reciting Kula Shaker lyrics goes, you may be more tempted to say the lyrics of their song Hush but don’t as that’s a cover of the song by Deep Purple who in turn covered it from American Billie Joe Royal. It’s much better to confuse people with Sanskrit then American. However if you suddenly forget the lyrics to the aforementioned songs and try to improvise people will soon discover that you are not actually quoting Kula Shaker if you just say the word chutney repeatedly.

If you are a DJ at a sports stadium and you for some unknown reasons to mankind absolutely hate the song Sandstorm, by Darude that great man, which has been played at every sporting event and is also the official song of the International Cricket Council, then Blur’s Song 2, is available to you to play to your heart’s content. Woohoo. Song 2 was the Sandstorm of the 20th century. And playing the song is going to be successful because people who love Blur are girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they’re girls who do girls like they’re boys so effectively a large spectrum of society is covered.

You can play Bittersweet Symphony loudly on your phone while recreating Richard Ashcroft’s iconic walking down the street in a straight line bumping off anyone who doesn’t clear the path for you. Hopefully this suggestion don’t sound like a Sonnet and some advice for potential crackheads you walk past, tell them that The Drugs Don’t Work, it just makes them worse.

If you’re single and want to refrain from going on Tinder then use the lyrics of Ash’s Girl From Mars to remind yourself that you are in fact in love with the girl from Mars, this however means a lonely existence on Earth for you but saves your fingers from the action of swiping left & right. This leaves your fingers for other purposes.

If you don’t want to be seen as a person who thinks they’re above others then keep saying you want to be like common people, as per the song by Pulp. This however will mean you are patronising them as you’re referring to others as common people while insinuating that that you are above them. I clearly think I am above others because I prefer the song Disco 2000 by Pulp over Common People. I wish I were more like common people in having their favourite Pulp song as Common People. Also it is decent to help the aged as Pulp sang in their song Help The Aged.

To make yourself sound smart when conversing with someone state that the Sun does not hit the sky as Supergrass insinuates, as the Sun stays in the centre of our solar system and doesn’t touch the earth’s atmosphere at any point. You just have to make sure no one shouts out Parklife when you explain all that. The lyric from Supergrass you have said to strangers is probably the type of lyric you come up with Late in the Day so if you want to come up with ideas do it when the sun hits the sky. Or at least when you feel Alright.

I deeply apologise that this started as how to use the songs practically but then in the end it was just an Oasis of Britpop song titles. So when you finish reading this Don’t Look Back in Anger.