The spat106 short longform #27

Looking out for number one

This particular newsletter is about looking out for number one, by that I mean yourself and not just looking out for a puddle of urine. That is important too, you don’t want to go to work or university or whatever the damn you do to pass most of the time during the day and accidentally step into some piss because then your shoes will be covered in it and you’ll smell like wee for the rest of the day. It’ll be even worse if you had gone to your place of occupation/education/doing nothing in bare feet. However trying to avoid a piss puddle is an example of looking out for number one ie yourself as it would ruin your self esteem if you stood in a piss puddle and your workmates/classmates/no mates think you’re that urine person. Only stand in piss if you have athlete’s foot and need some type of cure (I don’t know if that is a myth or true, I only remember Madonna saying that peeing in the shower helps with athlete’s foot in her infamous interview with David Letterman back in the mid 90s).

The question was asked in one of the recent leaders debates by +HrE=’s Patrick Gower to Bill English and Jacinda Ardern was what they would march for in a street for. Jacinda was second up answering that question and she said homelessness, it’s a great thing to march in to help the homeless out and is the type of answer that you’d expect anyone either seeking or staying in office to say. However when Bill English was asked that same question earlier he had responded that he would march to keep the government as it was and to promote the work he and his party have done in power. So effectively as Patrick Gower so succinctly put it, marching for himself to stay in as Prime Minister. Ladies and gentlemen, is there are bigger case than looking out for number one than that? What is the point of being selfless when an easier option is to be selfish, and that’s what I am going to explore a bit in this specific newsletter going forward.

People who have kids often say they’d do anything to protect their kids and that is wonderful because those people who don’t have kids can chuck a dart at that person’s child, the parent would jump in front of their kid and taking the fatal hit from the dart. This will mean one less adult in the queue for a Starbucks or something, this is the childless adult looking out for number one. So “selfish adults” taking out “selfless” adults means that it’ll more convenient and quicker to do some tasks such as driving around since less people are on our roads (less need for the government to use their spend on roading so that’s also helping out the country in a way) and supermarket shopping will be a breeze as there won’t be parents with children in their trolleys as most of the parents have been eliminated. This weeding out of parents and making tasks quicker to do for childless adults is basically life’s Waterview Tunnel (Once again I will have to stress that this is indeed a joke paragraph, I do not encourage the taking out of parents because like other people I believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside. That can only be done by a parent or a legal guardian.)