The spat106 short longform #24

Who loves who the most?

We are human beings, the last time I checked anyway. This doesn’t obviously apply to any cats or dogs that happen to be staring at the screen when their owner (who is neither a canine or a feline) brings up this newsletter on their laptop monitor, their phone or their typewriter. Back to the human being chat, or to be species specific, homo sapien talk, we all want that one person that loves us, with hopefully affection. Some cultures allow for two people to love you like that but that wasn’t my point. This week the ruling National Party said that they would spend $10 billion on roading nationally. That’s a whole lot of roading on top of the road that’s already existed before they came into power and also on top of the roading that they’ve done in the past 9 years. They love roading a whole lot, so that means you need to find someone to love you as much as the National Party loves roads. That may be more quite impossible because this love of roads may be the greatest love story to ever be told. A romantic comedy would be made about it, this standalone film about National’s love for roads would be the highest grossing film in history, because people would go in droves to see such a powerful story about love. It would earn $10 billion at the box office worldwide so the film would end up paying for the roading itself. I’m assuming that this film would be one film only, unless they get Peter Jackson on board and then he’d turn it into a trilogy for certain.

So what are the things that people love a whole lot? Well New Zealanders love that song Why Does Love Do This To Me by the Exponents, which I personally think is a terrible song. I can tolerate the Exponents song Who Loves Who The Most In fact I not just tolerate but enjoy it to a certain degree. But the other song, while seen as an unofficial anthem and sung loudly by drunkards in pubs doesn’t do it for me. But fair dues, Kiwis love that song a whole lot and the Exponents, formerly The Dance Exponents and before that Jordan Luck & the Dance Fucks, also love to have song titles which have the word love in it and is a question but has no question mark at the end of the title.

Some people also love the Louvre in Paris, which is the world’s largest art museum and also the third most visited museum on the planet, just to prove that it is loved. Just like the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5, this makes sense if you assign the Louvre the gender of being a female. One of the most loved art pieces is the Mona Lisa, who has a face like she isn’t being loved but in fact she is. If she didn’t think people loved her then she should have thought about the words of Maroon 5 and she’d know that she will be loved. When people ask is she is a moaner or a screamer, Lisa says she is a Mona.

New Zealanders love rugby although that’s only the All Blacks and if their Super Rugby team is doing well. The Mitre 10 Cup sides as well if they’re doing well, although you could say NZers love going to Mitre 10 more than Mitre 10 rugby, as they can go to Mitre 10 to get things to both build a pergola and kill some rats. Is there something that New Zealanders love more than rugby? Glad you asked as there is, it’s our country being mentioned on overseas TV shows, films and somewhere in the world, apart from Australian productions of course because our country over there is normally mentioned in somewhat of a mocking tone only. If the Bledisloe Cup was awarded to whoever mentioned our country’s name in vain the most then Australia would have an unbroken streak for claiming that award every year.