The spat106 short longform #20

Dream trade deals

Remember how John Key got a knighthood a few months after he stopped being the Prime Minister of New Zealand, well recently he got Australia’s highest honour, which I would guess is called the Savage Garden Lifetime Achievement award. The award was named after the great music pumped out by that great pop duo, Darren Hayes and the other one. Anyway John Key got the award due to the fact that the All Blacks won 8 consecutive Bledisloe Cup series against Australia under his reign as Prime Minister. However having both knighthood and Australia’s highest honour is only consolation for not getting his flag of choice, he would trade both the things he has received recently for that fern flag, he’d even throw in his son Max Key to get that fern flag, Sir John doesn’t like the Union Jack on the flag because he dislikes anything associated with union, apart from rugby.

There are also many other times that others, despite their great achievements and accolades, would like to trade it all in for one thing that they were really after.

One thing that Steven Joyce would do is give all his cabinet roles, his ministerial pay and perks to not ever be internationally known as the guy who got his in the face with a dildo. However time travel is beyond his race at the moment so he’ll have to wait a few years before he has the opportunity to make this exchange.

One of the greatest deals was by Meatloaf because he would do anything, that’s effectively everything, but he won’t do that. So only one thing he wouldn’t do, that’s a lot to do for love I think. But as usual people are wondering what the one thing he wouldn’t do. But that’s inconsequential. Unless the one thing he wouldn’t do is love but then that turns it into a paradox where he would do anything for love but not love.

A deal that businessman and somehow President of the United States Donald Trump would want to do is win the popular vote for president. Even though he won the presidency through America’s weird Electoral College system, it really annoys him that his overall votes were short of Hillary Clinton’s so he’d probably trade his presidency, any respect that the United States had in the world and a couple of Trump casinos to finally get more votes than Clinton. Even if this was to happen, he’d still continue to whine about something else so the complaining never ends from America’s first ever orange president. We’d probably trade a heck of a lot to get him to agree to stop bitching about things for the rest of his presidential term.

There is also the phrase do a deal with the devil, in order to get something you really want you have to sacrifice things that are important to you. What if the deal you do with the devil is for the devil to not exist, would he take the deal? I don’t think so, no one cares about the poor devil who spends most of the day just making deals. He’s of less of an opponent to goodness and more of a stockbroker.

And despite some cynics saying I would do anything to get more people to read this newsletter then I just have to say that is only half true.