The spat106 short longform #2

Avocados, millennials and houses

I am in a state of flux, I would like to purchase a home in the Auckland property market but the problem is that even the deposit for a home is beyond reach for me.  Truth be known, that is not completely true because 2 days ago I spent $300K on avocados which I could have used for the deposit. Silly me, as a millennial I was unwise in wanting to make larger than necessary guacamole dip rather than a house to live in. Whether I am a millennial is also up for debate, being born in 1982 means that I could be one of the last Gen Xers or an OG millennial. This is a good position to be in because when people start bagging millennials I can join the Gen Xers and also start bagging millennials or when people start praising the millennials, I say hey that’s my generation, two famous words sung by all-time greats The Who and also by the much derided nu-metal band Limp Bizkit.

Also baby boomers and Gen Xers would like nothing more than not talking about millennials, they would rather talk about the song Millennium by Robbie Williams. They lived during a period where they know that this particular song samples the theme from the Bond film You Only Live Twice. You know who doesn’t know that? Bloody millennials, because the only Bond films they know of are the ones that have the gritty portrayal of James Bond acted out by Daniel Craig so that means no matter what baby boomers & Gen Xers try to discuss they can’t get away from talking about millennials.  Most millennial men now try to make it up to the elders by having a beard that is similar to Sean Connery’s, which he ironically never had while playing Bond in You Only Live Twice and the other Bond films he was in.

Returning to the topic of avocados the baby boomers would say that saving for a house is a challenge that millennials (my people) are too lazy to take up. I for one say there’s a tougher task that millennials like myself take up, which a lot of boomers never had to do and that is getting that large seed out of the avocado. It’s less of a seed and more of a cricket ball, I am guessing that the avocado seed would provide more swing than the Duke cricket balls they use in England. The Kookaburra balls they use round down these parts, meaning Australia & NZ and not genitals although cricket balls do get rubbed on them a lot in a duration in all forms of cricket, have the least swing so in order of swing potential it goes Avocado seed -> Duke –> Kookaburra.

Boomers didn’t need something exotic like avocado on their toast either, all they wanted on their toasted piece of bread is one or two boiled eggs and some Marmite, back when there was never even a danger of Marmite being in shortage.

We need to get into a discussion with boomers about how we can also get property, this coming from me, a mixed generation person. I know a lot of millennials are just waiting for the boomers to die and then just saunter into their home and then spread the avocado on their wall as some type of paste to put some wallpaper on but that’s not the right way to go about it millennials, this is me speaking with my Generation X hat on again.  The boomers will incorrectly believe they won’t be giving up their homes to other generations because their false faith that they will live twice. This is however moot as millennials don’t have wallpaper as they only paint the walls, well that’s probably what they do seeing as a millennial has never owned a home in Auckland.