The spat106 short longform #19

Both first and last

A confusing statement came from New Zealand’s elder statesman, Winston “The Walking Dead” Peters, as he said in a speech and later wrote down in his Twitter timeline, that ”New Zealand First is the only party that is putting this country first and last on everything. How confusing is that? Surely they are effectively mutually exclusive. The only way that would work if he plans to destroy by nuclear strike every other country outside of New Zealand so we are the only country remaining, thus can be first and last in everything.

This would also be extremely confusing for any reporters asking Winston Peters a question, for instance the reporter would say to him, “What’s the name of the political party you are the leader of?” Winston would reply, “New Zealand First.” The reporter say,”Okay, great.” then Peters would add.”and last”, the reporter would respond,”what?” and then Winston would continue with “and first” with the reporter finally having to say,”hang on”.

Rather than being first and last separately so to say, maybe Winston was insinuating that if you are first at something, you also get automatically placed last and also that means if you’re lasy, you’re first. That opens up a world of possibilities for me. An example is 100m sprints, I think I’m pretty much last if i had to do it but using Winston’s law, I am first at 100m sprints. That would mean Usain Bolt, who commonly comes first at 100m and 200m sprints, is actually last in these disciplines. Therefore the question needs to be asked, where are my endorsements? Usain Bolt is basically robbing me of my justified sponsorship deals.

On a semi-related note I like the song The End is the Beginning is the End by the Smashing Pumpkins, which was the only good thing about the Batman & Robin movie, even George Clooney as Batman/Bruce Wayne (spoiler alert) couldn’t save that film. I’m not so much a fan of the reworked version of the song called The Beginning is the End is the Beginning, that featured in the trailer of Watchmen. That film was decent because it didn’t have George Clooney as Batman/Bruce Wayne (spoiler alert).

This will also be annoying to those people who comment on Youtube videos with the post saying “first”, because even though they had thought they were the initial person to comment on it, they are in fact also last. Now all they have is to wait to be the last comment in order to be first but the problem is when somebody else sees there is a comment they will also need to comment. Plus in order for that to work they can only write the word “last” in order to be first so all Youtube videos will be thousands of comments that only each consist of the word “last.”

An announcement was made that the 13th Doctor in the popular TV series Doctor Who was going to finally be played by a woman. There should be absolutely no issue with that but as usual there were some misogynists who had an aneurysm about it and because that was the first woman to play the Doctor, they also hoping it will be the last. However these same misogynists are ironically the first and last people when you think of people who are indeed douchebags.