Time travel recap of the final Lions test
New Zealand, or at least the New Zealand rugby public and not those people who say sportsball all the time, is in a fervour about the last test of the 2017 British and Irish Lions. The series is one-all and it will be a winner takes all 3rd test at Eden Park.
With everything on the line everybody, apart from the people who say sportsball all the time, is wondering what is going to happen ahead of time. Fortunately I have access to a time machine and can see what happens, sure people would have thought I could have used it to go either forward or back in time to prevent bad things happening but I decided to use it to see the scene of a rugby match that happens within 36 hours of writing this piece.
So I set the time machine to 7pm, 8 July, Eden Park. Eden Park is famously named after the early Korean settler who first brought rugby union and cricket into New Zealand. Initially the time machine didn’t work as I forgot to put a capital letter for the first letter in the password to unlock time travel ability of the machine. The machine when not used for time travel is normally a clothes dryer. Anyway it worked once I entered Sportsball instead of sportball and I was transported immediately to my destination of choice.
The weather was cloudy, I was mainly surrounded by red, mostly by Lions supporters wearing their jersey but also by Carrie at the end of her prom, one of the things with getting the password wrong the first time when time travelling is you automatically get joined by a character from a Stephen King novel. Another time I time travelled I got joined by the clown from It, that kinda sucked as I had time travelled to stop those people in America who were going around in clown costumes scaring others.
Both the All Blacks fans and Lions fans could feel the atmosphere was tense , they couldn’t wait until the match started. I spent the next 30 minutes scoping the crowd wondering who the streaker would be, so my eyes was keenly focussed on 20-50 year old white guys.
The teams came out, ready to sing the national anthems, New Zealand with the bilingual anthem with most of the Kiwi crowd mumbling the Māori verse. Unlike the other games where the British and Irish Lions didn’t not sing an anthem, they had justifiably thought for this deciding test to bust out Born Slippy by Underworld, great choice. That was so good that some All Blacks supporters took off their ABs jerseys and slipped on a Lions one.
Kick off happened, and well I really don’t want to spoil the actual game for anyone, apart from the people who say sportsball all the time as they don’t care. Plus I don’t want anyone getting rich by betting from the result I revealed otherwise they’re in danger in making the world exactly like Biff Tannen didn’t after he made money from betting on the results he read in the Sporting Almanac. Oh LàLà. Let’s just say most people will keep talking about the incident with the referee and the squirrel for years to come.
So with that result, everyone walked out of the stadium pretty satisfied to have seen such a majestic sporting event for 80 minutes plus stoppage time due to the streaker impaling their privates on the fence as they tried to jump on the field. Once all the spectators had exited the stadium they all looked at the statue of Eden Park the Korean and thought, it’s 9:30pm, still time to go to a Korean BBQ place for dinner.