Ten other places Lorde wasn’t at
There was a bit of controversy or something this week when at the No Lights, No Lycra event in the Grey Lynn Library, people who attended the event thought it was Lorde performing. It wasn’t Lorde, as she was at the time in Britain, land of Brexit and Bombay Mix. The clue that it wasn’t Lorde is that she currently wouldn’t be caught dead in a library. Who would?
Other places Lorde was rumoured to be at but wasn’t there:
1) On a park bench, reading my weekly newsletters and my other bonus writing columns, sad but true.
2) At the tennis court, ironically.
3) Waiting at a traffic intersection screaming at the traffic lights “I’m waiting for it, that green light, I want it!” This is actually a woman named Felicia El Burro, who has been doing this thing every day for 32 years.
4) At an Instant Finance signing up for an exorbitant loan, under the name of Ella Yelich-O’Connor. She’s doesn’t need to as she’s quite rich already and also the person signing up is clearly a bald headed bloke committing identity fraud.
5) At the Otahuhu Cash Converters trading in her 2 Grammys for money.
6) At a old fashioned phone box ringing up Labour Party leader Andrew Little and saying, ”Don’t you wish you were half as successful as your brother Joel Little?”
7) On every Stuff article about Adele writing in the comments that Adele isn’t all that great.
8) Filming an audition for the opportunity to perform at Christmas in the Park.
9) On this season of the Bachelor NZ as a Bachelorette.
10) At a place called Dab Central dabbing. People often criticise Lorde’s dancing however it’s all good with me because at least she doesn’t dab.